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breathe

Picture via https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2020/05/remembering-george-floyd-devoted-father-gentle-giant-200531070908430.html

Walk the same route, no hoodie, no headphones, backpack straps over two shoulders, eye contact, good morning ma’am/sir, step off sidewalk, let them pass, brush teeth, dental hygiene, don’t look like a meth-head, gain weight, don’t look like you’re on crack, on heroin, but not muscles (muscles threaten), good morning ma’am/sir, step on road, smile, deference, don’t grow your hair out, corn-row, afro- fade, don’t wear colours, walk slow, not too slow (casing), not too fast (fleeing), same route so they know you (casing), a different route tomorrow (suspicious), don’t take selfies, don’t hold phone, how would he get a phone like that? don’t wear sneakers (fleeing), but nice shoes, how would he get nice shoes like that? don’t strut, don’t stride, don’t look like you belong too much, don’t stand out either, don’t hum jazz, blues, hip hop, rap, gospel, soul, funk, afro-carib, don’t get lost in thought, don’t be too interested in your surroundings (casing), comment on the weather, yes sir/ma’am, sure is hot, don’t use slang, don’t use cuss words, don’t sound too educated, how would he get an education like that? ma’am/sir, don’t stumble, don’t ask for help, don’t linger, get up on your own, don’t limp though it hurts, how would he get an injury like that? adjust your backpack, don’t let it hang off one shoulder like you’re comfortable, like you belong here, but not out of place either, not a threat, don’t smile at children (leering), don’t say hey I watch that show/sport/team too who’s your fave, how would he know about a show/sport/team like that? don’t hobble (draw attention), don’t jaywalk, don’t loiter, don’t lag at the crosswalk waiting for the light, don’t check out the surroundings while not waiting (casing), don’t look only at your shoes, make eye contact, ma’am/sir, sure is hot, check for cars but not too close (jacking), hands visible, no phone, no pockets, no sagging, no headphones, no hoodie, no cigarettes, where would he get looseys like that? no eye contact, more eye contact, sir/ma’am, step off the sidewalk, no smiling at white women, no reaction to that truck with that flag in the window, no shoulders too far back (ownership), no shoulders hunched forward (trying to be invisible), don’t look smug, don’t stick out, don’t object, don’t walk on lawns (trespassing), don’t pick flowers (theft), don’t brush against foliage (property damage), ma’am/sir, sure is hot out, don’t dawdle (casing), don’t scurry (fleeing), don’t draw attention except enough to mean you aren’t not trying to not draw attention, to not not draw attention, to not not not draw attention, don’t laugh (mocking), don’t scowl (threatening), don’t explain, don’t resist, don’t object, don’t keep your hands where we can’t see them, don’t make eye contact with the witnesses (they can’t help you now), don’t resist, you’re not resisting, you’re not, I’m not resisting, I am not resisting, I am not, my hands, I am not resisting, I am not, I am not

I am

I can’t breathe.

radio silence lifted!

I am done teaching my course, so once again, I have this thing called time which I can waste on reading books and writing about books and writing books themselves and sewing and crocheting and oh yeah, it’s also summer so all my dreams of actual hard work will be eaten up by child care, but I got to the end of my teaching and that is always a good thing!

So stay tuned — there will be book reviews coming. There will be what-I-reads coming (since I haven’t had one of those since March I think). There will be Enid give-aways. All this exciting stuff as I ease my way back into the social media world.

See you soon!

it

Will I ever be able to say, “Today it writes,” just like “Today it rains,” “Today it is windy”> Only when it will come natural to me to use the verb “write” in the impersonal form will I be able to hope that through me is expressed something less limited than the personality of an individual.

Italo Calvino — If on a winter’s night a traveler